LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS: CASE STUDIES

Long distance relationships require high-maintenance and not everyone is ready to put up with the sacrifices involved.

Physical distance – a typical characteristic of long distance relationships – often creates room for doubt and suspicion: Could he be cheating on me? Could she be out with another guy having fun? How would I really know what he’s up to today or who’s he out with?

Two women tell sundaycircle.com their personal LDR experience, where they explain the difficulties they encountered, how to maintain the attraction and why it does or doesn’t work out.

Kat*, 25 – Failed LDR:

I met Jim*, who is Scottish, while I was in Manchester visiting some friends. He was a friend of a friend.
We started seeing each other but it was tough being apart, me living in Malta and him being in the UK.

Missing him was something I kind of got accustomed to, but at times it  got overwhelming, especially when there was something I really wanted to celebrate with him. Or maybe when I’d have a bad day and all I would want is a hug from him.

We used to spend hours on Skype. At times even falling asleep together on Skype. Having the same kind of smartphone also meant we could text each other for free.

All relationships have their ups and downs. Distance or not, communication is still the key to making things work out. All relationships require commitment, regardless of how far apart you live.

There wasn’t a particular moment I’d consider more stressful than the rest- as with all relationships, things can change from one second to the next, so I’d say things were equally stressful all along.

Eventually after 9 months we broke up because things didn’t work out. This was due to lack of honesty from his end. There was no cheating involved – just lies.

I can’t say I’d recommend or not long distance relationships to a friend. It depends on the person’s willingness to commit. If you find someone worth giving it a shot with then why not? Just clarify the grounds on which the relationship will be based, and who will move when the time is right. If neither are willing to move, then might as well scrap the whole deal.

Jane*, 35 - Successful LDR:

I was at the beach with a friend of mine when I met my partner for the first time. I actually knew him by sight from university years. My friend introduced us and we got on well straight away.

Since university in Malta, he’d gone abroad to study and had settled in London where he’d lived for the past five years. We met up that evening for dinner because the next day he was returning back to London.

We had a great evening together. It wasn’t a nice ‘one-off’ date, as to my surprise, he called me the next morning from the airport asking to meet again. Now we’ve been together for 6 years. We actually got married last year.

At first, the relationship was light and fun. I was 29, had just got promoted at work and bought my own flat, so I was enjoying my independence. We used to meet up for weekends whenever I travelled for work or when he visited Malta – roughly every two months. I was always excited to meet him and then sad to leave again.

After a few months, I started to get bored and we discussed ending the relationship. But then we’d have such lovely holidays together that it would make up for all the time apart.

Long-distance relationships develop at a slower pace and you really need to be in the same place to be truly serious. You need to share everyday life and not only holidays.

We made our relationship work out because I took the plunge, and moved to London after two years long-distance! We had to get to know each other all over again, as living in the same place changed everything.

I wouldn’t recommend long-distance relationships on a long-term basis as they develop so slowly and are high risk. One or both of you will have to consider moving and changing home and job. You can only really get to know each other when you’re in the same place. But on the other hand, if you don’t risk, you can’t gain and if you’re really keen on each other, then there’s no harm in trying it out.

To read more about Long Distance Relationships click here 

*Names have been changed to protect confidentiality

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Posted by Roslyn Schembri on January 20, 2012. Filed under Sex & Relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.