News that an anti-EU Icelandic MP claimed that Malta isn’t an independent nation brought out our inner Maltese patriots, who shall now explain why Malta is better than Iceland
Progressive eurosceptic Icelandic MP Vigdís Hauksdóttir claimed on Sunday that Malta isn’t an independent country, but rather a semi-autonomous region of another country, timesofmalta.com reports. Not only is she wrong; her country is inferior to this Mediterranean gem of an island, for the following reasons:
Pit the country with the subtropical climate and 3,000 hours of sunshine a year against the country with 1,300 yearly sunshine hours and “ice” in its name, and you have an easy winner. And while Malta’s sunshine knows when it’s time to leave, in summer, Icelanders have to shut their windows to keep the sun out at night. Provided it made an appearance, which is unlikely.
Iceland’s volcanoes cause aerospace panic all over Europe when they erupt in a blaze of glory, lava and ash. Lots of ash. Maltese volcanoes mind their own business, mostly by not existing at all.
When Eyjafjallajökull (pronounced eiyafyatlayokutl) erupted in 2010, it wasn’t just the ash that spread all across the world, it was the 1,000 or so syllables that you had to pronounce to say its name. This was so confusing that some major news agencies (who had clearly not discovered the copy and paste function on their computer) resorted to referring to it as “Eyjafjoell”, which only refers to the southern part of the volcanic massif. That wouldn’t happen with benign Maltese place names such as Mosta, Dingli, Iklin or Valletta, would it?
You are more likely to date your cousin if you’re Icelandic
While the geographical size of Iceland is on a par with Britain, the population itself is only just over 320,000, and a huge chunk of that population lives in and around the capital, Reykjavik. If you think Malta’s too small and everyone knows far too much about each other, try living in a country where everyone is so related that there is a market for a family-tree app which tells you if the hot girl you’re dating is actually your second-cousin from your mother’s side.
It’s awfully expensive
While Malta’s consumer price index stands at 81.28, Iceland’s stands at 114.48. If that doesn’t mean anything to you, which is fair enough, compare the 241.15 kr (that’s €1.55 in real money) to the €0.83 you’d pay in Malta for a loaf of bread. It isn’t just bread that’s more expensive – practically everything is dearer in Iceland, whose prices make it the eighth dearest country in Europe, compared to Malta’s lowly ranking at 22. (Eurostat)
They don’t have them, we do. Although there is that one stand in Reykjavik that makes the best hot-dogs in the world.
The Icelandic are exceedingly selfish
They keep acres upon acres of unspoilt terrain, geysers, hot water baths and the wonderful northern lights to themselves, meaning you’d actually have to travel there to enjoy these wonders. The selfish, northern bastards.